Life 'After' Lockdown

Still Going Strong

It has been exactly one month since I started this blog. Though I have not quite shot to the heights of stardom that I was hoping for, it's been a pretty solid start. I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time to have read my blog, whether you are here every week or this is your first time. Not to mention, a special thank you to those who have voiced their support to me or even subscribed for email updates on when I post. 

As for the topic of the blog this week, I thought I would build on the success of my first post and start a monthly update regarding my Distinctively Bland life. Don't worry, I have been extra busy this month so there is more than enough to talk about, and a lot more than that to be ashamed of. Here goes.

Lockdown who?

We made it guys. 51 days later. I can picture Danny Boyle's brain signing at the thought of another time-dependent feature film. Pity it wasn't 56 days, 28 Days Later (x2) would've been a real hit.

How did I choose to celebrate the occasion? I bought a couple of tins and drank in the park 2 metres away from my friend of course. Yes, it may be somewhat illegal, but they've closed all the pubs. If that isn't a justifiable extenuating circumstance in the eyes of a court-of-law, I don't know what is.

Nevertheless, this is me getting ahead of myself and jumping straight to alcohol.

First things... second

I finished my exams! I'll leave a discussion on the possibility of continued online teaching for a later post. For now, let's just say that it wasn't pretty. 

On a brighter note, and not at all related to any desire to divert attention away from my looming academic disgrace, I bought lemon yellow Crocs.

My reasoning? Well... Who wouldn't want bright yellow Crocs. It's the colour of happiness! You would not believe how many times I have sang Walking On Sunshine to myself this past couple of weeks. 

Side note: I provided the link to the music video of the song because it's a real gem. 1:56 and 2:30 especially.

In all honesty, I thought I had too much time to myself before my exams. Now it's a whole new ball game.

Example #1

Taxidermy.

By far the weirdest and most shameful thing I have done to date. 

I needed to stuff a toy for my niece.

There had been this growing clump of feathers at the bottom of my garden which I optimistically attributed to a nearby nest. So, in what can only be described as an act of gross naivety, I collected the feathers and soaked them in an uneducated concoction of washing-up liquids. Little did I know, each feather would have to be dried by hand before being shaped to its former feather-like glory. 

This process took me 5 hours. But do you want to know the worst part? The stuffing that never arrived turned up at my doorstep moments after I had finished. Of course, I didn't want to waste all my hard work so I gave the feathers, somewhat tainted by a distinct smell of wild bird, along with the stuffing to my mother anyway. 

It was a thoughtful, sustainable gesture. We have agreed never to speak of it again.

Example #2

You might've guessed this one. More gardening!

I have propagated some cuttings from my string of hearts, moved my 56 chilli seedlings into two rather large border pots that should probably not be adorning my window sill, and my 1 germinated bonsai seedling is off to big school. Stay tuned to find out whether we have any more success at the germination station next month.

Yes I am using Tesco bags as a dish for my pots. Desperate times.

Example #3

I ran a half marathon. No seriously, I did.

That moving time is a lie I might add. I had to keep walking up to signs because I don't run with my glasses on and prefer to rely on my sense of direction instead of prior planned routes. Don't get me wrong, I totally should've just trusted myself and kept running because I was always right about where I was. However, I figure it's better to be safe than sorry when you are over 10km from home with no water or food.

Certified Grease Monkey

Okay, so now we have established that I might be losing my marbles, though many of you may have been aware of that already. Let's talk about cars. That should restore my masculinity somewhat, right?

Like the hotshot that I am, I own a Peugeot 107. You can't overtake... believe me I have tried. But you can park in just about any gap in the centre of town. It gets me by. 

Anyway, recently I had been having to jump start it a little too often and didn't fancy paying any garage fees so I ordered a new battery. Now, since I am INVESTING all of my money in items like Crocs... no chances of a job any time soon... I went for the free Click & Collect option for the Halfords at the bottom of the hill. First mistake. Have you tried lifting a car battery recently? You should've seen the look on my face when I picked it up in front of the brawny clerk that had made it look oh-so easy.

Having scaled Kilimanjaro's distant cousin, I went into the garage with full faith that my Step-Dad would have the right tool for the job. He did. I just couldn't find it. I needed a socket set, I was using some flimsy spanners and a useless adaptable drill bit. Why didn't I just phone my Step-Dad? Second mistake. 

About those spanners... one of them is either on the verge of jamming my fan belt or halfway down the dual carriageway. Yep. I dropped it in my car. I'll let that one slip (if you'll pardon the pun) since the minuscule bonnet of the Peugeot 107 sets you up for failure when it comes to any small nuts or bolts. What I can't forgive, however, I scratched my beautiful new Fitbit trying to find it! You know that old saying about the first cut always being the deepest... third mistake.

Not to be disheartened, skip to four hours later, my Step-Dad came home, found the socket set, and removed my dead battery while I was down at the park partaking in that lawful drinking that I mentioned.

Once I got home I rigged up the new battery and hey presto. Good as new.

Up to date

That's about it for my month. It's been a bumpy ride but we made it. All while in great foot comfort I might add.

Stay Safe.